please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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