What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize