mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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