I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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