I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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