Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

you should have been aborted.

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(908): we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now. (1-908): you should have been aborted. http://tfl.nu/el6q

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(706): View more from Georgia

If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.

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(706): If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america. http://tfl.nu/uk3q

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(480): View more from Arizona

I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

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(480): I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in http://tfl.nu/axx9

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(517): View more from Michigan

just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.

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(517): just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder. http://tfl.nu/xinc

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.

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(901): Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore. http://tfl.nu/ntw9

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.

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(814): We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation. http://tfl.nu/gj2w

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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(518): Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy. http://tfl.nu/6ng1

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.

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(208): I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in. http://tfl.nu/ba7z

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(813): View more from Florida

Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....

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(813): Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night.... http://tfl.nu/k2vf

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!

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(203): I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish! http://tfl.nu/uppy

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.

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(814): Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark. http://tfl.nu/ixe0

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.

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(847): Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch. http://tfl.nu/loso

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(530): View more from California

My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.

(916): View more from California

That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.

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(530): My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo. (916): That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone. http://tfl.nu/d9c7

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.

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(505): You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch. http://tfl.nu/nw9o

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.

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(304): I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here. http://tfl.nu/t14q

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