Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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