We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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