Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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