alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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