new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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