I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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