Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize