the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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