A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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