So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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