my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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