he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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