He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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