Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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