I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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