you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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