the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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