I want to make a zoo with you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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