We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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