this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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