You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize