I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize