i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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