false alarm. still invincible.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize