a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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