he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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