some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize