you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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