my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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