Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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