I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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