tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pants are for mortals
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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