Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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