where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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