There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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