SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize