And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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