Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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