I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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