First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize