True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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