Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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