you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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