im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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